Rewriting Our Stories: A Love Built in the Midst of Mess

It all started with a dating app. Like many others, I joined Plenty of Fish, hoping to find something meaningful in a sea of meaningless messages. His profile caught my eye immediately—there he was, standing with his two boys, looking strong yet gentle. I thought they were all adorable and sent him a message. But there was no reply.

I continued receiving countless replies from others, but none that interested me. After a few weeks, Plenty of Fish suggested I try its sister app, Stir, created specifically for single parents. I downloaded it, and there he was again. Our profiles matched again. I messaged him, and this time, he replied.

He told me a little about himself at first, but it wasn’t long before he opened up about his life. He shared his story, his struggles, and the challenges of being a single father with guardianship of two boys. I could feel the weight he carried, but I also saw the strength in him.

Our first date was last minute. It happened on a night when his ex had her first overnight visit with both boys. He was nervous, so I hugged him the moment we met. We sat down at a restaurant, where he ate (I had already eaten), and then we held hands and walked around downtown Wilson for what felt like hours, talking about everything.

Our second date was planned and unforgettable. He had reserved a time for us at The Mills in Rocky Mount to do a Splatter Paint date. It was incredible—he played music from his phone as we both got covered in paint, laughing and sharing the moment. We kissed for the first time, and afterward, we went on a walk to a local park. There, he told me even more about his life and his childhood. I listened, enthralled by how open and vulnerable he was willing to be with me.

We’ve been inseparable ever since.

Months later, I met his ex in public for a conversation that was supposed to focus on the boys. During our three-hour meeting, she spent most of the time trying to convince me he was an abusive man. She said she was concerned for my daughter and me, given his supposedly dangerous tendencies.

As an abuse survivor, I would never tell someone their experience with their abuser is untrue or invalid. I believe survivors should always be supported. Be that as it may, I cannot mentally reconcile what this woman told me about her experiences with the man I spend every day with. He is patient. He is kind. He is so loving.

Not once has he raised his voice at me in anger, let alone his hand. He could easily overpower me, but I only know this because, when I break down and cry, he gently scoops me into his big, strong arms and rocks me like I’m his baby. He has never shown any desire to hurt me. Quite the opposite—he goes out of his way to ensure I am as content as I can be, supporting me through life’s many challenges.

He is the most patient and loving man I have ever known. I am beyond grateful that the dating apps led me to him, and I am so thankful for the beautiful, blended family we are building together.